Now I drink apple juice.

       For those of you that don't know me or haven't spoken to me in awhile, I got married in February of 2009 and am now a stepmom to two awesome kids - Nicholas, 7 and Alexandra, 6.  I also have a nine-year old, Bailey. My husband adopted her in October of last year - an amazing answer to prayer.
When Bailey was 2 years old I got my first of two DUI's. When she was 3, I got my second. Alcohol was not something I struggled with until about 2001. I had other things that I struggled with (drugs, bulimia), but alcohol was something I only dabbled in socially. Over time, began to drink heavier and heavier. I would work until around nine or ten at night, I was a server/bartender (ironically enough!), at TGIFriday's at the time so access was not difficult. I knew that if I worked until at least nine, my baby would be in bed and I wouldn't have to feel so guilty about staying out because I knew that she would be taken care of (disgustingly selfish, I know). I would then head off to the bar, spending the next 5 hours drinking and hanging out with "friends." These are people that I would have nothing in common with other than partying. After getting intoxicated I would get in my car and proceed to drive the 20-30 minute drive home. Drunk. Wasted. In a car.  Most of the commute was on a highway. There are times that I think back to how many times I drove drunk and how many times I could've killed myself, or anyone else for that matter. I remember driving home from school one day and I realized the street that I lived off at the time is lined with telephone poles every 100 feet or so. I could have pummeled into any of those poles at any time. By God's amazing Grace, I was protected. As were all of the people that I passed on that narrow street.
         How shameful my life was before Christ saved me. I chose to spend time at the bar instead of being with my daughter. I used my parents so I could get drunk every night. I made so much money but blew it on cigarettes and alcohol. Although there were stretches of time when I was sober (sometimes by choice, sometimes not), this continued on until 2008. 2008! Eight years of my daughter's life that I spent either drunk, hungover, or thinking about my next drink.
        And now, less than 2 years later, not only have I reconciled my relationship with my daughter, but I have the amazing privilege of being a stepmom to two others!  How unworthy I am! How amazing is He! Now, I must tell you, I haven't had a drink since November of 2008 but selfishness is still a struggle. I don't want it to seem like my attitude is that of someone who claims that salvation perfected me. Nope. I am a sinner, just one that has been saved by Grace. The sin doesn't go away. But, oh how He's changed my heart and made me want to be a Mom and not a drunk. Let me never take it for granted...

Vanity?

So today, my pastor spent some time discussing the things that Jesus said while on the cross. He was only able to discuss two out of seven of them, but wow, what a powerful message. He spent the majority of the sermon discussing when Jesus said to God, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Pastor Eric said that often times we discuss the physical torture that Christ endured, but we don't talk so much about how much spiritual pain that He suffered as God forsook Him and what a mystery this is...

I mentioned on Facebook and have shared with a few people that I've shared the Gospel with that it seems to me that all of that suffering Christ endured is in vain if our good works are enough for God to be pleased with us. Why would Christ have been sent to earth and died the way He died if all we had to do is "be a good person." Who is a good person? Are you a good person? I'm not. Anything that is good in me is because God Himself put it there for me. How does one interpret some verses that contradict the statement that any human being is good? For example,

“There is none righteous, no, not one;
11 There is none who understands;
There is none who seeks after God.
12 They have all turned aside;
Romans 3:10-12

Or this one: “ The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" Jeremiah 17:9,

or this: "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." Isaiah 64:6

The Truth is, my friends, "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23
I do not point finger at others and say, YOU alone have sinned, no, on the contrary, I realize the wickedness of my own heart and how deceitful it is and know that my only means of salvation is through the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. If I look at the Law of God (the 10 Commandments), and look at whether or not I've broken one, I would have to say unequivocally, yes! I have used the Lord's name in vain, I have lied and although I haven't physically murdered another, God equates hate with murder.
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause[b] shall be in danger of the judgment". Matthew 5:21-22

Here I have looked at three of the ten commandments and have broken all three during some time in my life. The Bible says that, "For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all." James 2:10
So when you stand before God on the day appointed to you, will you be found innocent or guilty? Some people say, "Well, God is good and is Love and He will accept me." Okay, now if someone came into your house and murdered a loved one of yours and was put before a judge and the judge said, "Well, I'm a good judge and a loving judge and although you broke the law, I see that you're a good person, so I will let you go," you would be outraged! If God is good then He must punish our guilt.

Please examine yourselves, are you a good person? In the eyes of God Himself? There is a way to find right standing before God. Only one Way. His name is Jesus Christ. Won't you acknowledge your sin before Him, turn to Him today and put your faith on the sacrifice He made? Eternity is a very long time...


"Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?"
2 Corinthians 13:5

My big pink elephant.

Big pink elephants are things that we do not acknowledge that we struggle with. And they actually grow if they are never acknowledged. They are just there...all the time. But no one talks about them. So, I shall go against the grain and talk about mine. My big pink elephant is not only pink, it has pretty bows on its tail, wears cool sunglasses and crazy hats. My big pink elephant is anger.


It's amazing how we make our downfalls to be prettier than they really are instead of acknowledging what they truly are. You can dress them up however you want but there's only so much you can do to cover up the ugly. Oh, and the stench! How stinky are elephants? There's not enough air freshener in the world to cover up the stench of my pink elephant. Anger and bitterness are not sweet smelling. They reek. And other people smell them - the people who are closest to us. They can't get away from the stench either. It follows us wherever we go.

Ahhh, but when we acknowledge our elephants and begin dealing with our own weaknesses before the Lord, He can wash us clean and the elephant starts to disappear. But there is no human soap good smelling enough, no deoderant "strong enough for a man, but made for an elephant," no power washer powerful enough to do for us what a cleansing from the Lord can do.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins, and cleanse us from all unrightousness." 1John 1:9

Irony, At it's best.

So, I wrote my second post yesterday afternoon and I have to be honest, I am still learning what exactly blogging entails. So, I left my blog open and checked it throughout the day and even contemplated writing more. It was a good day all around, the little ones returned from their Mommy's house after 5 days, so it was great to see them. Wednesdays tend to be very busy transition days for all five of us and yesterday proved no different. Picked up the boy, came home to get the big one off the bus, got homework taken care of, one bath and started dinner (sounds more complicated than it really was). Waited for Daddy to come home which was even more special for the little ones because he was in California during their last visit. Had a really nice dinner with everyone present! : ) Then I had a moment. Well, a few moments, I should say. I acted childishly and rudely and selfishly - not to the children, but to the hubby. And the best part of all of it, is that when I sat at my computer a little while later, as my husband spoke so lovingly and patiently with me, I looked up at my computer screen and out of the corner of my eye, this is what I saw: "I've got so many planks in"....well, you know the rest.

Laziness and foolishness – hand in hand?

Something that I have struggled with for as long as I can remember is laziness. Now, there have been times in my life that I stayed busy, but in my heart I was still lazy. And it seems that even now, as an adult with much responsibility, laziness lurks around the corner, trying to lure me in every day.

Since I began reading the Bible, about 7 ½ years ago, I have enjoyed reading the book of Proverbs. Someone told me once, and I’ve heard it many times since, that there are 31 Proverbs, one for each day of the month. So I go through seasons of my life when I try to read one Proverb a day. I realized today that the word “lazy” appears in the book of Proverbs (NKJV), 14 times. Fourteen! And let me just say, without listing all 14 references, that every one of them has a negative connotation (obviously). If the Bible is my guide in life, and I have the head knowledge that laziness is such a terrible attribute, why do I struggle still? Some days I am certainly more productive than others but too many days are wasted away. How much time is okay to waste when I have committed myself to a life of working for my Savior? I pray that He will continually change my heart so I may do more for Him.

^“The way of the lazy man is like a hedge of thorns,
But the way of the upright is a highway.” Proverbs 15:19

I've got so many planks in my eyes, I could build an ark!

And so the blogging begins...tonight I begin to chronicle my life for everyone to see. And my disclaimer is also my title for this post, thanks to my husband. So you've been given fair warning;
I am removing said planks day by day as God changes me, and you all get to join me!!!


Aren't you so excited?