Now I drink apple juice.

       For those of you that don't know me or haven't spoken to me in awhile, I got married in February of 2009 and am now a stepmom to two awesome kids - Nicholas, 7 and Alexandra, 6.  I also have a nine-year old, Bailey. My husband adopted her in October of last year - an amazing answer to prayer.
When Bailey was 2 years old I got my first of two DUI's. When she was 3, I got my second. Alcohol was not something I struggled with until about 2001. I had other things that I struggled with (drugs, bulimia), but alcohol was something I only dabbled in socially. Over time, began to drink heavier and heavier. I would work until around nine or ten at night, I was a server/bartender (ironically enough!), at TGIFriday's at the time so access was not difficult. I knew that if I worked until at least nine, my baby would be in bed and I wouldn't have to feel so guilty about staying out because I knew that she would be taken care of (disgustingly selfish, I know). I would then head off to the bar, spending the next 5 hours drinking and hanging out with "friends." These are people that I would have nothing in common with other than partying. After getting intoxicated I would get in my car and proceed to drive the 20-30 minute drive home. Drunk. Wasted. In a car.  Most of the commute was on a highway. There are times that I think back to how many times I drove drunk and how many times I could've killed myself, or anyone else for that matter. I remember driving home from school one day and I realized the street that I lived off at the time is lined with telephone poles every 100 feet or so. I could have pummeled into any of those poles at any time. By God's amazing Grace, I was protected. As were all of the people that I passed on that narrow street.
         How shameful my life was before Christ saved me. I chose to spend time at the bar instead of being with my daughter. I used my parents so I could get drunk every night. I made so much money but blew it on cigarettes and alcohol. Although there were stretches of time when I was sober (sometimes by choice, sometimes not), this continued on until 2008. 2008! Eight years of my daughter's life that I spent either drunk, hungover, or thinking about my next drink.
        And now, less than 2 years later, not only have I reconciled my relationship with my daughter, but I have the amazing privilege of being a stepmom to two others!  How unworthy I am! How amazing is He! Now, I must tell you, I haven't had a drink since November of 2008 but selfishness is still a struggle. I don't want it to seem like my attitude is that of someone who claims that salvation perfected me. Nope. I am a sinner, just one that has been saved by Grace. The sin doesn't go away. But, oh how He's changed my heart and made me want to be a Mom and not a drunk. Let me never take it for granted...