This week we are celebrating in my house. The occasion, you ask? Why, my baby is turning 10. That's right, the big 1-0. Double digits. I am in disbelief, I must say. 10 years old.
Ten years ago this week, I was about to give birth to a baby. And I was so scared and felt so alone. My mom and Mark were so supportive during this overwhelming time, yet I still felt alone. And even after my baby came, I felt alone. You see, I was so focused on myself and the thing that I'd lost that I didn't see the beautiful thing that I'd gained. I fled from responsibility, and when I felt my freedom leaving me, well I fought long and hard for it. Freedom for me meant going out after work, staying out as late as I wanted. My baby was safe and sound with my parents so it was okay. Right?
I resented for a long time, the responsibility that comes with parenting. How inconveniencing it can be. And maybe some of you think, "How much more selfish can one mom get?" Yep, that was me. The epitome of selfishness.
It's a wonder to me. God's grace. How in the world I would get a second chance at raising this daughter of mine, the right way, is beyond me. It's been about twenty months since my last drink. And I've spent that time trying to make right all the things that I did wrong. And it's a struggle. Every day, I still battle the selfishness, the self-centeredness. The fear. But the difference between who I was then and who I am now is simple. The freedom that I have because of Jesus Christ is so much sweeter than the "freedom" that I had when I could go out and drink whenever I wanted. That "freedom," in all actuality, is bondage, not freedom at all. It was Thanksgiving night of 2008 when I realized how shameful my life really was, how sinful. And I acknowledged that sin before God and realized that I wasn't fooling Him or anybody else. I put my faith in Jesus Christ that night. And I've never been the same.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."
2 Corinthians 5:17
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we cant do anything good without Jesus Christ.
ReplyDeleteYou and Bailey have grown so much since i first met you. I am so thankful for you and your family Erin. You all encourage me everyday even the little ones. I love you all!
I love you. I am so proud of you and I look forward to what the Lord has planned for you, sweetie.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. We have so much in common. Alcohol used to be quite an idol for me and something I couldn't imagine my life without. Thanks for sharing your life. What a wonderful Redeemer we have!
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